What do I want? That's a question I've been asking myself frequently here lately. It has variations to it (like all the questions I ask myself). What do I want to do right now? What do I want in the future? What do I want in a guy? What do I want to eat? What do I want from my friends? What do I want from my job? What do I want from dance? What do I want in life...? It's hard to answer all of those questions. Well, except what to eat. In which case I walk to the fridge and find something that hasn't expired. But all the rest... all the rest I don't know anymore. I use to have such direction with everything. Such a straight point to where I wanted to go. Where I want to end up and the easiest way to get there. I feel now I am just living for today. Living for the next moment and seeing where it will take me.

I have mellowed out to much. I've lost my "oomph". My motivation so to speak. I've lost my direstion. My hypothetical map so to say.

Living for today I guess isn't that bad. I just feel so unstable. I'm a teenager. Unstable is ok. Unstable is the norm. But I hate being norm. I like feeling different. I like feeling like I have reached an achievment. In living for today every day seems like an accomplishment. I don't like that. I like acheivment I can see. I like achievement I can feel and embrace.

Living for today I guess is better than living for yesterday. But I always loved living for the future...

kat