Sucide is a weird thing for me. I think I have a really different perspective on it than alot of people.

When I use to seriously think about taking my life I knew one thing. It would be on a day that nothing went wrong. It would be a day that was truly a great day. That no one would expect it. Not to ruin the day or anything like that but just to leave it so that no one felt they were at fault or could have done anything to make me stay. I guess so people could see it was me- not them.

Death seemed like a beautiful thing. That sounds incredibly morbid- yes I know. As I was sitting, there minutes away from it- Yes. I was filled with frustrations, and hurt, and confusion, and blackness. But the answer seemed so beautiful: a life on the other side. An escape from all this. I've always been a happy person. But it always seemed like the worse things had to happen.

I waited for that perfect day to come but something always happened. There was always business left unresolved. Some kind of problem would happen last minute leaving the day un-perfect and there fore me selfishly wanting out without the fullfilment of that great day. Or there was always someone coming to me and asking for answers. How could I give some one answers if I didn't have my own?

So I decided to find my answers. And I did. Make your life beautiful. Make your day beautiful. Make yourself a beautiful person. Perfect days and perfect days go and something will always go wrong. But you can make it work. I learned how to solve alot of problems that way and I decided that life could be as beautiful as you make it...

kat