So I think I know what I do. I think I push boys away so easily because I am so insecure.

I talked to Jeremy tonight. And he talked about how "hot" certain movie stars were. Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Jessica Biel.

At first I was hurt- Oh my God how could he sit there and tell me how attractive he thought these other girls were? Is he telling me he doesn't like me and that I'm not attractive enough. Is he saying that I'm not even a thought in his head?

So I called Emily and after I heard what I was saying I realised that I was acting like an over exasperated teenage girl. Which may I am. But you know what I'm not! (and all the other exasperated teenage girls say the same thing- I know....)

Then I remembered my freshman year when I dated a junior. And he told me how it aggravated him that I talked about was other guys... and I remembered doing the same thing because I was so intimidated by him that I didn't know what else to talk about. So I'm hoping thats all it is. He is a freshman (he's suppose to be a sophomore- he goes to one of those school that they hold kids back to play sports... hes a jock). He doesn't have a whole lot of experience or other knowledge. And if nothing comes of it. It's not the end of the world- I will still live.

We are going to homecoming this weekend. It will be such a relief. I need a break. I have a test in every class tomorrow.

The joy.

Kat