Gabe has been a constant source of frustration lately. Why- I can't really pin point it to one particular thing it's just alot of things. Alot. I had planned for two week for me and Em to go to visit him at college. I wanted to check out the campus and mainly spend time with him. I took off work argued with both of my parents about coming talked Emily and her mom into it. I just went out of my way a whole lot for a day trip that would consist of 5 hours drving down there then 5 hours back. He knew I wanted to come and maybe because I've backed out of coming so many times before he did this. He told me the idea was stupid, he said was not planed well at all and mainly he was disappointed because I wasn't staying over night. He's about as stubborn as I am. His way or no way. Since I wasn't spending the night he called the idea ridiculous, impossible, every other name in the book he could think of. And so I cryed. And I didn't go visit him or look at the college.

Since then I've become pretty closely acquainted with his room mater Jeffrey. I talked to him online about Gabe and the whole issues and he told me bluntly how he felt. If I were him I'd of felt this way too.

"He thinks your too young."

"Understandable," I replyed.

"From the way it sounds- you're not to bright either."

As harshly as he put it I needed it times ten. He elaborated and told me that Gabe enjoyed the control he had in our relationship. And so I agreed.

Later that night Gabe got on an apologized for saying what he did and asked for me to call, I asked Jeffrey what he thought and he told me not to. So I didn't. And I didn't talk to him. And I hadn't talked to him. He sent me a text message- his ususal contact with me when he wants to talk, "I am so gone." I didn't know what it mean but figured it related to drinking. I didn't return his message but went to sleep.

Today I talked to him. Tonight really. I met up with Jeffrey who is in town for the holidays. Cute boy, easy on the eyes. I was there only a second, enough time to meet him and smile.

I left and on my way my phone rings. Gabe.

"So I here you met Jeffrey?" the first words exchanged.

"Yeah."

We talked a while and he thinks I'm wasted. I told him I hadn't had anything to drink. That was a lie. And I got off the phone with him pretty hurried. He was at work and I was headed to a party. And I want my phone to ring again. And I want Gabe to be at the other end. But Jeffrey is right. He thinks he has to much control and that's not good.

So what's my problem with Gabe. He is egotistical, stubborn, convinced he is right in every situation, the worst kind of person- sounds just like me. But what am I most afraid of. Jeffrey asked me if I loved him.... and when I told him no he knew I was lieing...

kat