I've been so sad lately.

It's been so easy just to be sad lately.

I've missed Amanda. Every day it feels like it gets harder.There is just no way to explain it. I know she's dead but she feels so alive inside of me sometimes.

And with accepting her death realizing that I still have a life to live I get upset. I want to make the most of what I have. I want to embace every day with open arms. I know that I am a drama queen-- so what. But it all makes me really angry at my dad. I feel that I should be able to have things that I want and deserve. By this I mean the education I want and deserve. I understand I need to keep my options open but I refuse to let him drill LSU in to my head.

I went over to his house to visit today and all he wanted to do was bitch about college. My dad bitches when I don't come over then when I am over he bitches about whatever he feels he can. I just don't see an answer. I can't win.

Maybe that's why its so easy to not have him in my life at times. Too easy.

I just want to live my life and be happy and not be bitched at all the time. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I make good grades. I stay out of trouble but yet its so easy for him to nag. I know he wants whats best for me. But settling short is not best.

kat